Now you might be asking. What?
Yes. I know. I know. It’s a bit rambley but keep reading.
Why have an introspective year with great thoughts, challenges, wonderings, and growth in my self, if I can’t correctly explain myself and them “feels” across the computer from my brain to yours. I have a hard time knowing what goes into a blog from the daily life and ramblings that go on in my head. I look at other blogs and see that people are able to locate growth and other time annoyances in their life that make them ponder and go hmmm. But for me, that doesn’t really occur. I can’t find one event and make that some highlight of growth and expanding my horizon. I think if I keep adding keywords and hot topic issues that my blog will glow and become worth reading. So hear we go, maybe adding hashtags, it will seem relevant. I mean if two other people other than my director read this, I’d consider that a success.
Over that last 5 weeks I have been living here. Well, we have done alot so far. sometimes I think we are used and wanted by everyone all at once. Thursday afternoons are for working in the community and while we have visited many different community opportunities and some stand out to us or I, the list keep growing and growing. Maybe I like this explicitly told to me of the reasons why we are shown these community grounds. But I also like to make my own choices in where and what I get to do and volunteer on Thursdays. Its a mix of doing nothing and being competely packed with things to do, places to see and people to meet. Everyone wants their own slice of a YAV. And sometimes I think we are obligated for we represent the entire Presbytery as a whole. But we are obligated to Second Pres. because they financially support us and emotionally too. If your not there, will they keep investing in the YAV experience knowing they do not benefit from it. I don’t think its bad that I can’t do everything for everyone, that turning down people is a fact of life.
I’ve officially dubbed these thoughts as limbo. And maybe this is what this year is try to convey. I don’t know. If I was any good at actually writing a blog more questions would be answered than asked. I could talk about how the garden is, everything looks great, green and growing, and if you know why cauliflower leaves burn then perhaps you could tell me, cause I sure don’t know. But that would seem almost expected and honestly quite boring for me to talk about the work that I talk about with everyone else as soon as I explain that yes, I am a YAV and yes I work in the garden, here at Ferncliff.
And another thought in limbo. Being a YAV, around people who know about the YAV program, and those who don’t, but less so, is like being a celebrity. Sometimes we are toted around to events or groups as the only young people ( for those who don’t know, Presbyterians are often of the older generation) in the room. We represent a complete whole, for we are the young group that isn’t represented hardly at all. Sometimes we are compared to the years before YAV’s. Living in the shadow of one, whether good or bad has an interesting effect on the experience of the experience. Other times people know us before even being introduced. I guess I’m just not used to all this attention. We are the new fresh faces at church that offer a deviant from the normal life. I also think that if I answer this one question it won’t come up again (yes I know it will, tongue in cheek moment here) that yes, Arkansas is different, darn near everything is different from California, but no its not a culture shock. That, yes its a different culture, but not a culture shock.
Ending with things I’m grateful for because I realize that this entry has been slightly negative in its tone. The garden is great and growing. Ashley is great even though I annoy the crap out of her on the daily. The house is great and huge. The camp is super beautiful. the staff is awesome and cares. The last week has been nice and cool. The duck has a bathtub. Every time I mention California I get eye rolls from the other YAVS. My new I.D is the most ridiculous thing ever. Marie is on point with being a director.
Maybe these thoughts seem arrogant or I’m a fat jerk for not being grateful of all the thing I’ve received (I am, even if I’m not great at expressing it). Or maybe this made no sense or you hate me for expressing this. That’s ok. Let me know.
And if you have made it down this far in the page. Personal plug.
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